Thought an update was in order since it has been over a month! When I started Weightwatchers in January, my starting weight was 217.0 I am not really sure how I gained 5 pounds in like, 2 days, but whatever... My second week, I was 217.4, and then since the third week, I have lost around 6 pounds, which put me at 211.4 on Monday night. I was so stressed out about the stupid weigh in, that I cried from releif when I had actually lost weight! I am excited to see how my weight is on Monday after an uneventful weekend! :) I should in theory have a really good weigh in. I have lost about 15 pounds since the first of the year! It feels so good! It is hard for me to stay positive, which is what I need to do, but when I look down at my body, and I can't really tell that big of a difference, it is hard! But this is the smallest I have been (while not pregnant) since probably June or July of 2007. I lost to 199 when I was pregnant with Haylei because I was so sick. So, I am making progress... The scale tells me I am. I keep telling myself that once I am under 200, I will be able to tell a big difference. Enough for now... If I have any crazy happy news on Monday night, I will post again.

I though an update was in order after this morning's weigh in. 212.4. :) YAY! I have been doing a liquid diet since the 1st of January, and I have lost 14 pounds. I have 6 more days to go, and then I plan to start Weight watchers with my mom. I am really looking forward to it!

The point of the liquid diet was to break the addiction I had to eating. I was very literally addicted to food! It got so bad that I couldn't walk into the kitchen with out eating something! At first it wasn't so bad, but then it turned into me eating to where I was full just because I saw something that I wanted.

I realized a very important lesson this week... I find it interesting that it took me this long to realize!

I learned Success at something does not have to mean Perfection. This liquid diet has taught me that. I have pretty much cheated a little every single day of it! But I am still succeeding! I mean, I have lost 14 pounds in 2 weeks! Most of that was waterweight, but you know what, it was hard, it was stressful, it was torture, but I didn't give up! I am not quitting!

The last day of this diet is the 21st, because it takes 21 days to make or break a habit! I could have decided to stop the other day, when I was advised to stop, but you know what, I am going to finish something that I started! I need to for my confidence sake!

Now understand this... I am not starving myself! I am not annorexic!
I am still taking in probably right around if not over 1200 calories a day, I am just doing it in liquid form. I am making sure I have all of the major nutrients and things that I need each day. I drink at least a glass of V8 each day, so I am getting the fiber from veggies, I have fruit juice, chicken broth, and milk. For extra protein, I occasionally have a protein drink if I feel like I need it. And you know what, if I feel like I need to eat, guess what, I do! I just don't eat a lot. One or two bites usually will satisfy me. I am trying also to make sure I take a vitamin each day too. I am really bad about that, but my hubby is going to start reminding me. :)

I am still being healthy with this! I don't want someone to read this, and decide to do a liquid diet, without actually drinking calories and nutrients! That is really bad, and you will feel worse trying it that way! Trust me, my friend tried to do that, it didn't work for her. She ended up almost giving up, and is having a harder time with her cravings and how much she cheats with, because her body is trying to get calories!

I am really excited about starting weight watchers! I have seen so many people have a ton of success, and not just immediate success... They learn how to live in a way that is healthy. :)

But enough for now, i just wanted to give an update, and share my happy news!!! :)

What I want to know is how someone can go from being so motivated that they turn down pizza and sweets to eat sliced turkey instead, because they want to lose weight so bad it hurts, to not caring anymore in a matter of a month or two... I hate the weight... For many reasons. But I hate the way I feel when I fail miserably at goals I have set, and things I want to accomplish. It is too hard! I can't do it! I don't even want to try anymore! I wish I could be content with the way I look, because I feel helpless. Toby doesn't motivate me, NOTHING does! I can't motivate me... God doesn't help either. Trust me, I have prayed for victory over this, and guess what, it still hasn't come! I still can't stop overeating or make myself exercise! I hate myself for this! My weight is an outward evidence of my weakness, my selfishness, my anger, my pride, my vulnerability. I hate that! It proves that I am weak. It proves that I can't do it. I am out of control. I have discovered tho, that when I am upset or angry or frustrated, or tired, that is when I tend to overeat. When I am feeling pressured about it. When I am not feeling pressured about it... How am I supposed to get out of this, when nothing helps? At least not long term.

wt loss sucks... That's all I have to say.

Vacation sucks! 219.4 this morning, which makes me 7 lbs above where I'm supposed to be! GRRRRR! I am working towards getting back on track. Monday, my strict diet starts til I catch up to where I'm supposed to be, as long as that takes... I HATE THIS!

Hello... Anyone out there? :)

216.4 this morning. I accidentally got mixed up, so my goal is actually 4 pounds this week to make up for that! Bring on the Salad! LOL! I was out running some errands today, and was amazed at how much better I feel already! My clothes are fitting better, I am more confident, It is nice! I don't feel like I look pregnant anymore! :) I am starting to get the good curves back! You know ) ( not ( ) It is nice! I should be under 215 this week! That is so awesome to me! Considering that about 4 months ago when I had Jenika, I was 240+ I have lost almost 15 pounds since September 14... Not even 2 months yet... Toby has to remind me every once and a while of how far I have come already, cause I get discouraged easy! Going to finish eating my lunch, lettuce with Italian dressing and a grilled chicken breast sandwich, and then take a nap!

FYI... Halloween STINKS for the whole dieting thing! Not sure if I gained, but I will honestly be really suprised if I didn't. I am hoping to at least maintain the 218 this week. I will still be on track if I can. We shall see tomorrow. SO tired tonight. I should not be this tired at 10:30! I haven't been exercising this week either, so I have been exhausted all week! I haven't gotten hardly anything done and my house is not quite to the disaster point, but very close. At least the important things are clean, the bathroom, the kitchen, and the livingroom floor where the babies play. It is amazing how much a lack of exercise just drains all the energy out of me! It wouldn't matter how much coffee I had, if I don't start my day getting my blood flowing, I just drag all day. God, Please let this get easier with time! I am so tired of being overweight and having to struggle and worry about it! I just want to be happy and content and like the way I look again! Ok, peeps, I am having to use the backspace key way too much here, so time for bed for me!
This coming week, I am planning on going back to the strict diet to make up for a couple weeks of not doing so well. I need to regain that sense of self-discipline again. Wish me luck!